the Thomas obsession

I have found myself recently on a quest for Spencer. The speedy bullet train from Thomas and friends, who is quite frankly, a major d-bag. None the less, this is the train Cole requested for potty training. Now, let us go back a little. I have never cared for the creepy, lame talking trains that were Thomas and friends. I was relieved that Tyler never cared for them. I was sure i would never have a kid into them, and even if they did like trains, there were plenty of train options. Boy was i wrong. From the minute he could say the word Cole was obsessed! And although he likes any brand of trains, Thomas is favorite. He carries around the booklets from the packages so he can look at all the trains until its no longer legible. So, we finally spotted a Spencer. Purchased it, and Cole was so excited! The next day at Wal-Mart while Easter shopping, we found patchwork Hiro! This is one i had never seen before outside of Coles train booklets and it was one he really wanted. I began excitedly sorting through the trains and found a ferdinand, and another spencer! Now, if you know Thomas, you know its really hit and miss finding the ones you want. In fact, most stores i go to are nearly sold out of trains, all the time. Josh and i began excitedly discussing the names and types of trains, the movies they are in, which we had to buy, tidmouth tunnel tracks, and the cranky playset. Then it hit me. I have a problem. Clearly this thomas obsession has leeched onto me as i know far more about Thomas than i ever wanted to, and the fact that i was so excited about them...of course. The t-shirts, the toys, the backpacks, the over priced juices, the pjs, and the chairs they'll be getting for Easter. Clearly ive had this problem for awhile. And i really dont mind it like i thought i would.

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2 of a kind?

At 2 years old, im lucky if i can get one of my boys to take a nap. If he does go down (usually Corbin), my day calms down. Cole will watch a movie or play quietly alone and i can enjoy an hour-ish of blissful silence while i fold the laundry or even waste to much time on pinterest :). As a mom of twins, its as much as i can hope for. And i savor every second of this almost me time. Today, as i sneaked through the family room before being spotted by Cole, i stopped to look at him. He looked so lonely and the guilt set in. My plan of a popsicle and sudoku immediately changed as i asked him if i could hold him and watch a movie. His eyes lit up as he jumped up and down saying yay yay yay! As we watch Thomas he looks at me every few minutes and smiles then he tells me about the different trains. Now, from his excitement you might think i never spend any time with the poor boy. I always thought i spent too much time. Im with my boys nearly 24/7. Holding them, breaking up fights, feeding, dressing, bathing, and playing with them. But what hit me at that moment was i never spend time with HIM. Either of them, one on one. Everything is me and the boys. Not me and Cole. Or me and Corbin. I think as moms of twins not only do we lose our own identities, but sometimes our twins lose theirs. I know their different. I see their individual strengths and qualities, their different likes and dislikes. they couldnt be more different from each other. Yet ive never thought about the individual attention they needed. As much as i love my boys together, i will definitely be learning how to enjoy them one at a time.

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Weightloss!!

So, Its been alot of weeks.  I dont know how many exactly.  And Im down nearly 10lbs!!  Im pretty much down to a size 16 pants (my first goal!!) although they are still a little tight.  Another few pounds and they'll be amazing!!  At this point I definately blame my weight gain on anti-depressants.  I quit taking them mid October, and if you take away a few weeks for it to get out of my system, I have had my first significant weight loss since the twins were born.  And get this, I really havent done anything to lose it.  I havent been dieting, and Ive only been exercising like twice a week.  Sure, this probably means I could lose a ton more if I tried, and I intend to, but... well, I will.  I think Im going to get a gym membership.  Ive been going to the KOPFC but its kinda far, and Im only motivated to go when Tia does lol.  Tia, if you read this, I will still go with you to pps on tuesdays though. If you go ;).  Anyway, thats where we're at.  And typing this actually has given me the motivation to head over to 24fitness and sign up right now! :) Maybe I will. Maybe I will.

Welcome 2012!! Or something

Another year has come and gone.  Whats so great about that?  Im still 28. Im still 60lbs overweight. Im still living at my parents house.  I still have bill collectors calling.  I still have a transmission leak in my van.  Who the heck decided that a new year means "a clean slate" or any of that crap?  Isnt the celebration of the new year just another excuse to overeat and drink too much?  I think yes.  Heres what I KNOW will happen in 2012: I will have another birthday, hitting the forever 29 mark.  My kids will all have another birthday making them one year older, and me feeling 10 years older.  I will have a child start Jr. high. JR HIGH I say!!  Damn you 2012!  Sure, all my 2012 rantings are about age.  Mostly my own.  Ok, I guess it comes down to being all about my own.  Every new year brings me that much closer to 30 which I know Im not at all ready for, but thats a whole other can of worms for another time.  A time that will probably come as my 29th birthday is looming.  Back to the new years crap.  Will my life get better because of the new year? Of course not.  The only positive that actually comes from the changing of the year is that I have another tax return to look forward to.  Yay for  0 interest government savings accounts!  Although Ive got that sucker way past spent already.  Anyway, damn my wandering mind.  I do have goals for 2012.  I wont call them resolutions.  These are the things I expect accomplished by the time 2013 rolls around (yes, Im pretty sure 2013 will happen. Josh seems pretty sure that Dec 21 2012 only marks the day the anti-christ is born, not the actual end of the world.  That wont happen til 2060 according to sir Isaac Newton.  See, I know stuff lmao)  Heres my list for your viewing pleasure.  Judge how you will.
Goal 1-the good ole weight loss goal.  Its timeless, isnt it?  I have phenomenal goals for my body this year, and Im ready to get my Dr involved this time, not just pout when my hard work doesnt pay off (and by that I mean possible medical reasons for not losing weight.  Not plastic surgery and that junk. Although I wont push aside the idea of lapband/gastric bypass later in the year, but again, another time) My timeline is as follows;
Jan 27-down %5 of my total body weight
April 27- down %10 of starting weight
Aug 21-down %20 of starting weight
Dec 31- a total loss of 60lbs.
Goal 2- have a house.  Preferably a home we own.  But at this point Im not too picky.  We just better not be living here another year.
Goal 3- Time management.  I want to DO more with my time.  Actually DO the things I find on pinterest not just pretend I might lol
Goal 4- relationships.  I want a better marriage and a stronger family.  Obviously this is one that I can do alone, but hoping I can get the ball rolling in the right direction.

I think that will do for now.  I dont want to overwhelm myself, after all.  So, I wish you luck in your new years endeavors, and I might update about these things.  Although in my experience, If I dont update, Ive probably given up.  So heres hoping for updates! :)

another new year

Its time again for resolutions. Im pretty sure everyone I know, every year, has a resolution that has to do with their body. Wether it be weight loss, toning, etc. My goal, for the third new years in a row, will be to lose this 60lbs thats been haunting me since shortly AFTER my twins were born (7/8/09).



Let me start with some explanation. I started WW early 2010. I lost 10lbs in about 4 weeks, then plateaued. I kept at it for another 8 weeks with no results and I quit. Nothing else I tried worked, so I tried WW online for a few months summer of 2010 with no results so I quit. Jan-April 2011 I did zumba and weight training every week with minimal results. May 2011 I joined an intense, cross-fit style gym where I worked incredibly hard 3-4 times a week through weight training and cardio. Was down 15in in 6 weeks, but no weightloss. That was ok with me though. A loss was a loss. I kept up at the gym, and joined WW once again in sep 2011, expecting amazing results from the pair. No such luck. I have not lost a pound in nearly a year. Naturally, I said why bother and quit it all, and yes, my pants have been feeling tighter. It seems that all my hard work of diet and excersize has done nothing more than help me maintain, which would be amazing if I weighed 160. But I dont. I weigh somewhere around 230.



It was the fall of 2011 that I decided something more must be wrong. Ive never had THIS much trouble losing weight. Now, Ive always struggled with my weight, but Ive never worked so hard and not had results. Lets be honest here. Ive never worked so hard period. Whats wrong with me? Im only 28 years old!! I finally decided that something more MUST be wrong with me, so I turned to my favorite doctor.The internet. I came to the conclusion that the problem was likely the anti depressents I started taking after I had my twins. I dont know this for sure, but its my assumption as I put on 20+ lbs 2 months after giving birth, despite breastfeeding twins and chasing 5 kids around all day. Anyway. I subsequently quit the anti depressents in Sept. but my motivation was shot. I have done nothing since then to attempt weightloss. At first the excuse was, whats the point until the meds are out of my system? Then it was, its christmas time! Who can diet? But, those excuses have run out of time. Im prozac free, and christmas is past. 2012 is quickly approachng and its time to give it another shot.

To end a long post, I KNOW I will get the results Im looking for this time. Work is something Ive never been afraid of, and this time, I fully expect results from my amazing-ness.

Consider this picture the beginning of my amazing journey, and know that I will NEVER look like this again :)

what i like about my friends

Last night, I couldn't sleep.  A worry wart by nature, I lay in bed and stress as I'm sure many of you do.  To redirect my mind, I started to think about friends.  Its been brought to my attention lately (though always at the edge of my mind) that the reason I don't have great friends, is because I'm not that great a friend myself.  My philosophy on friendship has always been to take care of my friends, which actually just makes me an enabler. ie, babysitter, chauffeur, loan center, etc. Theres more to being a good friend than letting people walk all over you.  I suppose a big help would be if people wanted to hang out with me for reasons other than those listed above.  So operation new me begins.  Again.  But this time its not so much about what I think of me, its what others do. Superficial? Maybe. I like to think of it as a journey to greatness. My mom has a friend named Sue. Sue is a genuinely sweet, wonderful person. She never says a bad thing about anyone.  In fact, when the gossip starts (lets face it ladies, it always does!) Sue doesn't join in, but in fact points out the good qualities in the person. I want to be more like Sue. So  begin. Less talking, more listening. Instead of matching the stories I'm told, I will ask more questions. Cause honestly, I always have questions. Although they may come way after the fact lol. So pardon my hours late questions on topics seemingly put to rest.  So, back to where I started. I was laying in bed, and instead of counting sheep, I decided to think of 3 things I like about my friends. Now, don't be offended if your name doesn't show up. This will be an ongoing process that I want to be genuine, so I will add names as I get to know people better. And while I may have things I like about you, I don't want it to just say, so and so is nice. so and so is friendly. kwim? :) And really, this is mostly for my own benefit. I only post it here so you all know I love you and value your friendship. Cause if you know me at all, you know Im not one who likes to show emotion :)
Tia. Tia is sweet. She Always has a kind word and I love how she calls kids "little lambs". It always makes me smile. Tia is always willing to help a friend in need and is definitely a trusted and loved friend. 
Alice. Alice is warm and friendly. Someone you know you can trust with a secret, big or small.  She keeps her cool fairly well, but is pretty funny to see riled up :)
Rachel Burns. Rachel is entertaining. She always has some wild story and I love her animation and excitement as she tells it.  Rachel will tell you how it is.  She has a level of bold honesty that I really admire.
Erin S. Erin is the type of friend a person is lucky to have. Shes fun, giving, and sweet. An awesome person all around.
Ali. Ali has a magnetic personality. I admire her wit and she is an extremely talented photographer and excellent baker :)
Suzy. Suzy is kind and creative.  Even with her lack of sleep she somehow functions day in and day out and I'm inspired by her perseverance. :)
Meg.  Meg is super sweet and I would kill to have her fashion sense and style!

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quirky Corbin

What a character! Now as i write this i know im obligated to dedicate an entire post to Cole, but that will come :).
Corbin. Im really not sure what goes through your head. You are the most compassionate little boy ive ever seen while being the meanest little booger. Your relationship with Cole is of the "i can hurt him but no one else can" variety. Even with your delays and weaknesses your a strong defender of your family, and before 2! Last night, while lying with me to sleep a baby cried on tv. Your immediate reaction was to pop up, and utter a worried "Bole!" And the only way to get you to lay down was to point out the baby on the tv and watch it cry. Melted my heart though. Your worry for your twin! This morning i asked if you were ready to get dressed. "Bole? Dress?" You asked him. As if the whole idea was out of the question unless he was right there with you. I love spending my days trying to figure out what goes through that head of yours. What makes you inclined to hit, pinch, and bite your brother, then turn around and hit, pinch, and bite anyone that seems to be threatening him. You are certainly not the one i expected to be the defender, and im sorry i underestimated you!

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