The state of America.

I'm not talking about the national debt, or health care, or abortion, or any other hot topics.  I'm talking about the people.  With election day come and gone, this morning I was thinking. Our country has alot of problems. I would say our biggest problem is the 2 parties that "represent" the people. Our country is full of hate and it sickens me.  All I see on TV is hate.  Everyone in politics hates each other, and blames the other party of racism, sexism, socialism, segregation, etc.  What got me thinking of this today?  Actually, I must credit Pink Floyd's "hey you".  The lyrics, 'together we stand, united we fall'.  First of all, I thought of the 9/11 slogan, 'united we stand' then I got to thinking;  Why does it take a national tragedy for us to realize whats really important? At that time we weren't democrats or republicans. We weren't black white or Hispanic. We weren't gay or straight, male or female, christian or atheist.  We were Americans.  We joined together in defense of our country and created a united front. However temporary it may have been.  Now of course there were those that didn't join us, but we were to busy taking care of each other to notice.  This post is not in support of any political party or group.  This post is in support of a united state of America.  Not the current divided one.  Our government is corrupt, and the only people who get noticed are extremists.  I remember being at work on 9/11/2001.  I remember the feelings that went through me.  I remember the overwhelming urge to show my support by posting it on the reader board of Central Park.  I remember being proud to be an American and proud of all the things that stood for.  I was proud of our country and the compassion in which we had for each other that day.  Now, all I can think is shame on you, politicians.  Shame on the groups that promote hate against a certain race of people (and I don't just mean black. There are plenty of white-hate groups too) shame on people who feel the need to spend their days spewing hate against homosexuals and judging the choices and lifestyles others choose.  Shame on those who feel the need to change our pledge of allegiance. Shame on those who protest military funerals. Shame on those bashing each others right to religious freedom.  I could go on for days.  We are a country divided. And as best said by pink Floyd, 'together we stand, divided we fall'.

The "D" word

In the past few months, Ive had several friends, and family members become seperated, or divorced. This trend is quite upsetting to me. I see generally happy families being split up over things like money, and child rearing. Things that if every couple to have the fight divorced, well, needless to say the "family" would be an extinct idea.  Just today I had a neighbor confide in me her marital dilemmas, and its saddening. I know some of us have bigger issues. Addiction, and infidelity, among others.  However, are these things truly unforgivable sins? Does the old homage 'once a cheater always a cheater' speak truth?  Sometimes, maybe. But Ive seen the contrary too many times to give into old misguided sayings.  Ive been in the position of marital discourse more times than I can count. Going through nearly every issue under the sun, and learning to forgive, be forgiven and move on. Its not an easy task. Definately not for the faint of heart. But Ive always asked myself. Isnt my family worth it? My kids deserve to be raised in a 2 parent home if possible. Why are so many people so willing to give up their marriage without a fight?  Why do we expect our spouses to be perfect, when we dont fit the description ourselves? Surely we all have it in us to forgive.  Now, I understand some things are unforgivable, and I whole heartedly agree that divorce is the best option. Things like abuse, or continual infidelity or addiction problems. In these cases, please do what you need to do, but overall I think our culture has become lazy in terms of family and marriage. We made the decision to enter into a union with this other person. For better or worse. Some of us have alot more worse than better, but its these times that make us stronger people and can strengthen a marriage, causing us to lean on and support each other, or despise each other.  Why do our friends push us to "leave the jerk" ? Shouldnt a friend be a supportive, listening ear to help us find our way out of the darkness and gloom, wether it end up being divorce or otherwise? Marriage isnt supposed to be easy. Raising a family is not easy. Those TV sitcoms are not the reality of marriage. Fights arent resolved with a short, heated discussion and a laugh. Not at my house anyway. Kids are an ever-present force. Where are the kids in TV families? If only they only appeard and had conflict when it was pertinent to the 'episode' that week.  We as women should be strong, and fight for what we believe in. I believe in the family. And though this post will probably not do anyone any good, Ive been itching to get it out there. I will always support my friends in their decisions. I may not agree, and you can bet Im going to give you my 2 cents wether you like it or not. I wont pound it into your head.  But I do feel the need to share my own experiences, and try to help in anyway I can.  Just so you know. Work it out people. You may not be happy at the moment, but obviously you were happy once because you chose to marry and start a family with this person. I promise you can be happy again. It wont be all the time, and it wont be exactly the same. But you can be happy. It takes time and effort though. Something  in this age of convenience and impatience that people dont seem to be willing to put forth. Giving up is easier. Right? Just remember, the easy path isnt always the best path.

the punishment dilemma

So last night, as we sat quietly in the dining room, the silence was suddenly broken by the screaming of little people upstairs. Fighting about tattling about drawing on themselves. Who were the culprits? Brooklyn and Tyler of course. And yes, they had drawn on themselves and each other with a marker. Now this is not the first time we've dealt with this. And the last time they were told if they do it again, they would be in big trouble. So naturally, they do it again. Why not? Mom and Dad cant possibly be serious. The biggest problem isnt even so much that they draw on themselves, its that its always on their faces. Like they want to be caught. They could easily draw on their backs and stomachs and I may never know. Why the face? Why must Tyler think he needs to be a ninja turtle and cover his face with green? And Brooklyn goes with whiskers and a black nose. I digress. Now, with complete control, Josh and I discuss with them the consequences, and talk about why they do this etc. The punishment was to be they were not allowed to use art supplies without supervison until Josh and I decided they were responsible enough. We felt good about this. There was no screaming, just calm discussion. Big pat on the back for us! We did awesome!!....fast forward 10 minutes....Josh heads upstairs to find them doing what? Coloring. Not on themselves, but on paper. But only minutes after they were told they were not to use them! Josh's first thought was 'grounded for a week!!' a week? Really? Perhaps he doesnt realize how grounding 3 kids for a week from any life at all during summer break actually punishes me. He gets the sweet relief of work, and doesnt have to deal with the moping, whining, crying, and general annoyance of kids who would rather be out riding bikes, playing with friends, or playing video games. This is when it hit us. Why do we punish our kids and in return punish ourselves? Why not punish them in a way that benefits us? Ive done the extra chores thing, but lets kick it up a notch. As I write this I am sitting on a blanket in the shade with my babies, sipping my diet coke and enjoying the warmth as I watch my children clean out my car. This is no ordinary car. Its the minivan from hell. granted, most of the crap belongs to them, or it did in the peak of its existince. Who knows what may be lurking under those back seats or what the heck leaked all over in this cupholder. I removed the seats, and thier off!! Clean it out, vacuum, windows, armorall, and yes, all the sticky crap that I dont even dare guess the name of. Oh the joy of having a clean car without the sweat and backache. Now Im sure Im not the first person to realize manual labor may be the key to behaving children. And perhaps it wont work at all. But the way I see it, Im a winner either way. I suppose the more my kids misbehave, the cleaner my car will be, and the less weeds in the yard. If they get the message, I have well behaved kids. Hooray!!

Lament of a stay at home mom

The most under paid, disrespected job of them all. No, not a junior high custodian or a walmart stocker, but a stay at home mom. Perhaps my job is more flexible than some. And by flexible I mean, I can go to a friends house for a playdate in the morning, and clean house later, but that doesnt mean its easy. Maybe I am slacking some mornings. But I certainly make up for it at 10pm. Maybe I do have "down time" where I get to play with the kids. But I also get to deal with the fighting, screaming, poopy diapers, spills, and all else that comes with the territory 24/7. I dont get weekends off. I dont get a full nights sleep. No, being a stay at home parent is not for the faint of heart. My house isnt spotless. I dont think I would like it that way anyhow. But my kids are happy, well cared for, and fed. I cook, clean, do laundry, change diapers, bath kids, drive to piano lessons, girl scouts, and any sports of the moment, I wake up at all hours of the night, sometimes for hours, I do all the grocery shopping with at least 2 kids, I make all appointments, and make sure whoever needs to be there is, I go to the bank, drop off the rent, pick up prescriptions...ok, you get it right? Basically I am at the beck and call of my entire family. Im tired of being told how easy I have it. I work damn hard. I dream of sleeping in on a sunday morning -of course these dreams are sporadically, in between waking babies. Now, this is meant as no disrespect to my dear husband, who I know works his butt off, but I do too!! Guess what people. There is no laundry fairy!! Other common errors? A good meal sometimes takes hours to make!! Just because the house is a mess now, does not mean I didnt clean it today. Twice!! Nursing babies takes time. And just because I choose to sit and nurse a baby or two doesnt mean Im lazy!! Guess what. I dont always like going to the park! Tball games and piano recitals bore me too! But I do these things because its my job. And I love it. But dont disrespect the stay at home. I think alot more parents should stay home. Our country is so obsessed with material possessions that we are all led to believe that we need 2 incomes to survive. Well, with sacrifice, you can live on 1!! Im not going to work just to pay for daycare, then come home and do all the things I do now. I dont need 2 full time jobs thank you. Maybe if more kids had a competent parent at home they would get in less trouble. Our kids should not be raising themselves. Take the kids who live behind me. They cuss like sailors, skateboard all over Jordan Landing -Ive almost hit them several times cause they dont get out of the road-, they pick on smaller kids, swim at the pool alone, the list goes on. Oh, and did I mention these kids are ages 7-12? And now they are in charge of their little brother all the time, who is around 4. Oh good. One more. I knew the 7 year old last year cause hes in Brooklyns class and he was a cute, good kid. Tyler used to love playing with him. This last year Ive watched him go downhill and its sad. My kids are no longer allowed to play with them. Tired of them getting punched and I dont want them talking the way they do. NO parental supervision. Being a stay at home parent should not be taboo. Now I understand the cases of single parents. Ive been there. You have to work and do it all. I understand that. And honestly, some days I would rather be at work outside the home. I did enjoy coming home to a clean house and kids that were happy to see me. Instead I get ornery kids, food thrown at me, dog mess to clean up and no reason to even put on mascara anymore. Im inches from a nervous breakdown at least 4 days a week. And I wouldnt trade it for anything.

Dirty words

Money. The dirtiest word I know. It controls everything from our marriages, to our kids educations, to the type of pets we can own and where we can live. I don't know about you, but at least %75 of the arguments my husband and I get in involve money. Where does it go? How can we get more? We're slaves to a broken system that keeps the poor poor, the rich richer, and leaves the middle class to fend for themselves. After all, we don't need the tax breaks, right? We never need public assistance such as medicaid, right? My husband works 50+ hours a week. This should be enough. Should be. We live paycheck to paycheck, so one little slip and we're flat on our asses. Why do we need satellite TV? Cell phones with Internet? Cell phones at all? Video game systems, wifi, fancy cars, and steak for dinner? Why do we depend on these things to survive? They are all things we can live without, but the theory of keeping up with the Jones' is just to great. We cant help but want bigger, better and more. Perhaps we should take a lesson from our grandparents, and scale back. Pay cash, and and take pride in our credit. Why shouldn't a parent be able to stay at home with the kids? Why should we have to depend on two full time incomes, and allow our kids to be raised by Hannah Montana and MTV? The truth is, most of us can survive on a single income. We just choose to live more extravagantly than necessary. Of course, "stay at home parent" is a taboo phrase all on its own, but we'll save that one for another post. As I write this, my family and I have made the decision to move in with my parents. This is probably one of the hardest decisions we've ever had to make, but at the same time, most likely the best for our future. In about 7 months time, we should be able to get ourselves completely out of debt. At which time, we hope to get into a home of our own. I hate the thought of giving up my home. Even if it is a rental. Its my home. Its my kids home. I love my neighborhood, I love having my own bathroom, my own kitchen, and the think I may miss the most; central air. But its time to look at the big picture. Our money situation, and bad decisions, have given us 2 options; live paycheck to paycheck paying the minimum on everything and let the bills pile up while renting a 3bdrm townhouse with our family of 7, or move in with the parents, live in a cramped space for half a year, and moving on to bigger and better things. Obviously owning our own home is the better option, but the short term of that makes me shudder. I love my parents, but I sure do love my space. I hate having to be dependent on others. I hate asking for help. I'm the type who would rather wallow in self pity and drown in the financial pit Ive dug than admit I need help. This has been a long time coming, and a most difficult decision to make. But my kids deserve better than this. They deserve the security of a well stocked savings account. They deserve clothes that fit and look nice before school starts. I used to be so good with money. Not sure what happened. Time to get back to basics and start filling up this pit of ruin. I know we can do it. It wont be easy, but ask me in a year. Ill tell you what a great decision it was, and how much better off we are because of it. Ask me now, and well, I'm still struggling with the idea.

My addiction to the white stuff

As in sugar. Holy crap I cant get enough and its disgusting. Let me tell you what Ive eaten today: a bowl of rice krispies. with sugar added. 2 cups of coffee with a sugar filled creamer. Half a donut. Would've been more, but thats all there was. Enchiladas with a pepsi followed by a huge bowl of cookie dough ice cream. Then, cause I just cant help myself, grahm crackers with frosting. Nothing healthy, no fruit, no veggies. Sick I know. This is the beginning of my freedom from my sugar addiction. Ive read it can be a harder addiction to break than heroin, and I can see why. First off its easily accessible. I can excercise all day long and never lose a Lb with a diet like this. Time to re-train the taste buds. Now I dont think I can kick the habit completely, but I definately need to cut it down and add some healthy stuff to the mix. So starts my 2 week plan. I will cut out the bad, and add in the good. But dont expect me to cut out my coffee creamer. But the rest!! Here goes!! Ill be back tomorrow with an update!!

Size DOES matter

No, this is not a post about that -get your mind out of the gutter-. In fact, this i a post about being overweight. Im generally happy with myself. Of course there are things I would change if I had a magic wand, but overall, I can deal. My one fatal flaw always ends up being my weight. Ive never been thin, and thats ok. But why do we -as overweight people- have to be made to feel bad about it? All I ask is to not wear a plus size. Who came up with this horrible term? I think it should be banned. Its offensive. Being fat doesnt mean Im lazy. Im a stay at home mom of 5 kids. Always cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, helping with homework, and carting kids around to piano, tball, bday parties, etc. So please dont assume that I am lazy in any way! I read in a magazine that one problem we moms have is putting ourselves last, and doing nothing for ourselves but eat. I was enlightened! While on the go, I grab myself a huge vanilla frappuccino with whipped cream. mmm. This is how I do things for me. I dont get 20 minutes to go work out. I dont get a massage. I guess the idea is to re-program our minds and find new ways to pat ourselves on the back. If you think of one, let me know. But back to the original thoughts of this post. Im tired of feeling good about myself, then looking in a mirror or at a picture and seeing how huge I really am. Im tired of never having pants that fit properly. Im tired of my "relief society muscle". Why do clothing designers assume that if your fat, you want elastic waistbands and polyester pants? I know theirs stores you can find cute plus sizes, but I cant afford to pay $60 for pants. Why cant I go to Kohls and find something decent to wear in a size 18? And why is it assumed that because I wear an 18, I must be short? I am so frustrated over the whole stupid thing. I hate skinny people. You all suck!! Ok so I dont really hate you, but you do suck. Especially those of you who dont do a damn thing to be that way. I put on a lb just by thinking about chocolate.

That bowl is waaay to big. ---Confessions of a naggy wife : P---

Now, am I the only one who could follow their husband around the house all day and correct him? I dont try to be all crazy like this, but it just happens. Yesterday, Josh was making tuna fish. He grabs the BIGGEST bowl in the cabinet, and proceeds to open 2 cans of tuna. I walk in as hes dumping them into the bowl, and give him the mouth gaping-what the hell are you doing- look. I try not to say anything, but I just cant stop myself. "You really dont need a bowl that big." I say. Of course, thats not enough. "there are clean bowls in the dishwasher, and really that would have fit in a cereal sized bowl." He gives me his annoyed look as hes cutting pickles on the cutting board, then he has an idea; food processor! I watch him grab it, plug it in, and proceed loading it with onions, pickles and tomatos for his tuna. Really?!? Running through my head is the amount of dishes and cleaning he's adding to my work load and I just cant stand it! I have to say something! Not that it will make him clean up after himself, or prevent him from doing the exact same thing again, but maybe, just MAYBE if I say something enough, he'll finally get it and stop. I know deep down it will never happen but a girl can dream..."why are you using that!!" thats it. I may have just started WWIII. I calmly leave the room and retreat to the upstairs. Not worth it. Sadly, this isnt all. The dirty clothes NEXT to the hamper...The soda cans decorating our dresser...the list goes on. I can complain until my voice is gone, and nothing will change. Why do I bother? Why do I have this overwhelming urge to criticize? Guess thats just part of me. I like things done my way, which is why I prefer just do it all myself. Like I said, I dont like to be a naggy wife. But I cant help myself.