Wow my blog has become depressing lately. Sorry to those who prefer my funny stories. I'll get back there. Sooner or later. Perhaps its time to up the prozac. Or at least remember to take it :P. Today, my car was broken into. At church. My dad borrowed the van, and during sacrament someone busted out the drivers side window, stole my purse (yes, I know it shouldnt have been there. Just a reminder that all it takes is once) and my kids DVD player. Im sickened. I literally want to throw up. Now, I will start off with I am grateful for the most important of things in my life. Health, the fact that what health issues my kids (especially Corbin) have are fairly minor. We are lucky that way. I know that with his muscle disease (which I will elaborate on later when we have a diagnosis) could be so much worse. Im grateful we both have jobs. Im grateful for an awesome family. Anytime I start bitching about my life I end up feeling guilty because there are so many that are so worse off so please know I am thankful for what blessings I have. Now, moving onto the bitching. Since moving in with my parents, which if youve read below we did to get out of debt and into our own home, its been nothing but obstacles to overcome. The theory of how much money we could save (and yes, we do pay rent) is a nice thought. First off, in the fall our cars were broken into. Luckily nothing was broken, or taken even from my car. They just made a mess of things. While Im glad nothing major came of it, it was still frustrating. December, I was rear ended on the freeway totaling my car. This was particularly irritating because although I had full coverage, my insurance company was a joke. Leaving me to deal with the other insurance, as it wasnt my fault, and overall leaving me screwed on the settlement because I didnt have proper representation or help. I salvaged the title, and planned to continue to drive it, smashed back end and all, til we were in a house and able to buy a new van. February, while doing a crossing, my van was side swiped by an intoxicated (not sure what he was on) driver, rendering it totaled, and completely undriveable and unsalvageable. This time, I had wonderful insurance that took care of everything quickly and got me a fair amt, downside was I STILL hadnt settled the previous when the second happened, so I had to settle quickly with the first to be able to take care of the second and have a car to drive. All in all, BOTH settlements totaled what the second would have given me if it hadnt been salvaged. Which is when the realization that Id been royal screwed the first time sunk in. After WEEKS of searching for a vehicle that would seat my family of 7, with less than 110k miles and under $5k, I finally found something. Then I found out it needed $1200 of work. Serves me right for not taking it to a mechanic pre-purchase, right? Well, the dealership ended up taking care of it all for $500 (keep in mind, buying an older car I expected minor work needing to be done). All in all, the "new" van cost me more than I recieved for the old one. Then I went through weeks of not being able to register the stupid thing because the dealership I bought it throught wouldnt give me the proper paperwork. Fast forward a month. Things are going well. Im finally getting a grip on our budget and getting life back under control. Earlier this week I started feeling good about the direction we were heading financially and personally. Til this morning. Literally its been less than a week that Ive felt ok. Why am I not allowed more time than that? What horrible things did I do to reap such a horrible chain of events? I feel like Karmas been having its way with me for years now. Perhaps its time to "Earl" it and make a list of wrongs to right? I dont know. Ive always believed that in our lives we will have not only small struggles, but the big one. For some its their kids, some its money, some its addiction. I thought my big struggle was my marriage. We love eachother deeply, but its been a rough road. And it seems my theory was wrong. My life is a struggle. I chose a hard path a long time ago but Im a fighter, and I knew I could handle it. But its days like this when I would like to just say eff it all. I struggle with every aspect of my life right now. Shouldnt SOMETHING come easy? just 1 thing? Money, marriage, parenting, friendships, housekeeping, weightloss, time management, religion, SOMETHING?!? Everything in my life is such a mess right now and Im drowning in it. What do people do when it gets like this? How do you get to shore when the tide is whisking you further and further to a sea of BS? I feel like a cartoon floating on the little plank of wood because my ship sank and I dont have a life jacket. How long can I hold on? Clearly no lifeboats are out there so Im getting to the point of having to make a decision between holding out and continue this struggle to survive or giving up and drowning.
